As worded in the Longman Dictionary of Contemporary English the meaning of the phrase “When the Smoke Clears” is as such: when things have stopped happening and the results can be clearly seen.
This phrase can be used for different purposes. I’m going to use it in regards to my life. Yesterday I went on a hike. I know, what an unsuspected thing for me to do! I needed it for a few reasons, one I am a single mom, a mom period, and I needed to clear my head, two, the business that my best friend and I are building, I needed to do “research”, and three, I need to get in shape for the upcoming trail clean up that I volunteered for. Montana has literally been in a cloud of smoke for several weeks now due to fires, and with many in the area that I reside, it has caused potentially dangerous air quality. I went on this hike none the less. The mountains called and I needed to go.
The trail I was on was St Mary’s Peak outside of Stevensville, MT in the Selway-Bitterroot wilderness. It was a 3.8 mile trek to the lookout, and with a 2500 ft. gain in elevation, it was a good workout to get up to the
elevation of over 9,300 ft. It was a beautiful hike all of the way up, but my lungs could feel the smoke in the air. As I sat at the top and looked out into the wilderness I was so glad that the smoke did not keep me away. The eerie sight, although cloaked with sadness due to the two lives claimed by the flames, beheld a beauty that only nature, and its unrelenting anger, could provide. This trail is known for it’s views, but with the smoke those were limited. I look forward to returning to the same spot and seeing what beauty it possesses on a clear day.
My husband, God rest his soul, never waited until the smoke cleared. I was always the one to step back and over think everything in the fear that one step might make a turn that was undesirable. I wanted the smoke to settle, I wanted clear answers. In my defense, in the 14 years we had been married things never stopped. Moves, rough patches in our marriage, a child, a logging accident, recovery period, business en-devours, another kid, a separation, and then cancer hit and tragedy. I was forced to move through the smoke no matter how hard I fought it. Looking back, I realized how I let the smoke, or those unclear answers, keep me from living a life that I desired. I let the smoke keep me from reaching my goals and from seeking that adventure that was pulling at me.
I can’t say that I never step back and wonder if I am making the right decisions, if I am brave enough to try out this new trail by myself, if I am capable of riding my bike on a trail without making a complete fool of myself, if I will survive taking kids out to find adventure in mountain biking or camping, if I am brave enough to get through the EMT course coming up in February, or if, just recently, the decision I made to make the move and put in an application to be a Volunteer firefighter. Sometimes fear grips me and I have to put my big girl panties on and walk through the smoke. I have come to the conclusion that if I waited until the smoke cleared, I’d be waiting forever. Nothing in life ever really stops and there are never any clear answers. If I really stop and think about it too, what fun would life be if there were clear answers all of the time? What fun would it be if I didn’t make a fool of myself here and there? I have been on some amazing adventures in the last couple of years. I’ve seen some amazing country on my bike, had an overnight camp trip with my best friend after we biked into the woods with our gear (and even some hula hoops), sat on the beach and learned how to relax on a complete whim. I got to understand the beauty that the screen of smoke in my life is, the beauty of the unknown, by seeing the mountains that I love so much covered in it . I am taking a page out of Jeff’s play book and I am going to live this life through the smoke.


This is what I look at in the mirror in the morning….. The thing is, that this is not an abnormal look for me to have throughout the day. I have to laugh at myself. I am a mess. In a previous post, it was mentioned that Sierra and I had learned to love ourselves. That includes all of the crazy. For a long time I didn’t really care for what I saw in the mirror. My hair is messy, my face is not flawless, my body isn’t like so-in-so’s. There are so many things you can point out about yourself that you don’t like or would like to change, and not only the physical attributes. My positive affirmation had to turn to picking those same flaws out and loving them. I love that my hair is messy. It means the time it would take to do it was spent doing something else: painting, reading, riding my bike, finding a new adventure with my kids, etc. I love that my face isn’t flawless. It’s a face that is just mine and no one else has it. It is a unique face. My body is not like the other ladies in the gym, and that is ok. It’s a body that has carried and delivered 2 babies. It is a body that is strong and capable of anything I work for to accomplish. It is a body that I am proud of.
It’s river day!! The first float of the year!! Its a bit late in the year for our first float but we had more rain than usual in June and the rivers weren’t floatable. You can’t float when the river is high and full of run off. Multiple dangers await in the fast, murky water. One of the biggest is snags. These are trees or big branches that get swept down stream in the spring run off and get stuck in the river. Sometimes you can’t see them under the water until the last second because the water is brown from debris and the churning of the river. Your raft can run over a snag and get punctured. Or when the river is fast you can get swept into a large bunch of trees as you round a bend. Your raft risks puncture as well as it being extremely difficult to get the raft unstuck. If things go very badly your raft could be flipped as it’s sucked into the stack.
Sierra and I have been active for the majority of our lives. This is something that comes naturally to us and we have both learned to love our adventurous souls and that sometimes stepping out of our comfort zones leads us to things greater than we knew we could even accomplish. Your life journey has ups and downs and maybe you are looking for a place to step out of your own comfort zone and you’ve stumbled upon our blog. Well each week we will focus on one or two tips to encourage you to step out of your comfort zone. Being fit and eating healthy and having the courage to climb a mountain are not changes that occur overnight . It is a process that can take months or years and should start with small changes to ensure that they stick. Forty wellness tips sounds like a lot but when we break it down one by one, week by week they will become doable.
Once I returned to Momtana and was spending most days by myself at home my world felt very small. I cried sitting still, I watched countless hours of Netflix sitting still, I made a quilt sitting still, I read 4 books sitting still and I napped alot with my dog.





So let it continue to snow, we will be hiding in the bouldering gym until spring decides to arrive!


As I got the tent set up my friend got the fire spot cleared out. The campers before us had brought over a bunch of green trees that we had to move out of the way of the fire pit. Once we got camp set up we decided to hike a ways up the trail. I wanted to check out the falls where I’d been ice climbing a few weeks before.
After that terrifying encounter with wildlife we made our way back to camp. We stopped and collected wood and moss to start a fire on the way back. We worked HARD on that fire. I brought those fire starters again but we had to use 5 of them. We got it going but due to how wet the wood was we had to go back out and try to find dead trees that weren’t too covered in snow or wet. My friend is awesome at finding good fire wood in the snow. She says to look for trees that are dead and standing but grey. That’s a good sign for dry wood. Also she says that if the tree has “bonus branches” it’s a super good find. You can use the branches for kindling. Here’s the fire queen with her awesome fire!

